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Short guide to Belgium
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(note for NSA, this message is virus-vrij, feel free to read!)

Dear mister president since your stay in our kingdom will be very short-lived we here by present you a brief overview of the country. By the way you better land in Beauvechin rather than on Zaventem not to give the impression you favour Flanders ( with your visit to Waregem).

I. Flanders.
Highly traficated and very heterogeneous architecture (as well art nouveau as spanish hacienda style), hard working people understanding American English (due to an overdose of episodes of Dallas), catholic but not fanatic. Be aware some Flemish (not to confond with Amish) are ‘practiserende Vlamingen’ and you recognise them easily by their Lion Flags (hand model or life size flag). As a whole easy to govern provided that you don’t cut mobile phone traffic or television broadcasting. If you do so you will see what. Oh yes, in possesion of a seaside (50 kilometres) and flashpilars (’flitspalen’). What to say, when you meet them: it is the one and the other (’t is t’ een en t’ander) in case of emergency. Say it is not true (’Zeg dat het niet waar is’) in all other circumstances.

II. Brussels.
Lively village with nineteen lord mayors and a government on top. The real Babylon with several coexisting minorities. Nice real estate taken by National, Regional and European institutions. Still opportunities in the Bois de la Cambre for de luxe flats. Possibility to establish farming facilities both on Grand Place, De Brouckère, Place Rogier and on the Boulevards (contact Mr. Pascal Smet). What to say when meeting with a Brussels subject: Hello, good morning (Zeg, draag ik soms iets van u? Quoi? Tu veux ma photo!)
III. Wallonia.
First become member of Parti Socialiste which makes it easier in many ways to establish your situation. Has plenty of water (sometimes sparkling), tons of old iron, acres of woods, several homebrews, ingenious shipptraffic (The Pending Slope of Roncquiers), The Shape head quarters (tax fee cigarettes!) and German speaking backyard. In general the Wallons are more philosophical and relaxed guys then the Flemish. Plenty of opportunities but find out yourself. What to say if you bump into a Wallon: Hide the Flemish are there!
IV Waregem
Village in the far west of Flanders. Governed by boer Clerck from flemish tapistry emporium Beaulieu. Well known for both Waregem Koerse ( pronounce War again cause) and soccer club Zulte-Waregem (salt war again). Don’t mention the Beker Cup, they lost . Sorry but since the ‘oud konijntje’ ( out co-nine tch) isn’t any more this is the middle of nowhere:, a dead end, the hole of Pluto. Bonus give your driver of The Beast instructions to escape by E17: you can ‘rits’ ( fly) al the way to Brussels.

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